I had a conversation with a very good friend tonight who was at the end of her rope. She needed what all of us need every once in awhile; a girlfriend to listen to and reassure her. She's stressed out, and honestly, I would worry about her if she wasn't. She has three children, ages 5, 2, and 6 months; just thinking about that stresses me out. So she says to me, "I feel like I need to be Super Mom. I fix the same five dinners over and over again, I have mounds of laundry, my house needs to be cleaned, I have bottles to wash." I told her she can't be Super Mom. There are only 24 hours in a day; you can only do so much.
But this conversation got me thinking about a book that I am right in the middle of right now, TORN: True Stories of Kids, Career, & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood, by Samantha Parent Walravens. My friend Meg strongly recommended this book, and it has been eye opening, to say the least. The book is compiled of essays by the working mother, balancing career and family. It's by turns hysterically funny and incredibly sad. It grabbed me from the very beginning because I recognized myself in some small way in every essay. From the mom who cried sitting in the daycare parking lot after leaving her screaming child behind, to the mom covered in food that her child threw at her.
You see, I told my friend tonight that she can't be Super Mom, but that's easier said than done. We set high expectations for ourselves as mothers, and then feel guilty when those expectations are not met. So my take on this situation is that you can be Super Mom. But you have to define what Super Mom means to you. For me, working full time and being a part time single mom (when Scott travels), means Super Mom is making sure that I get to spend at least 30 minutes a day playing with Dylan, getting full meals (including veggies) into is belly, scrubbing the grime of the day off him in the bath tub while he soaks me, reading his bed time story, and tucking him into bed. I get to the housework and laundry when I get a chance, but it can always wait. In my little world, Super Mom means doing the best for Dylan that I can. If that means I have a messy house and dirty laundry, I am okay with that.
R, I think you are an awesome mother. Your kids are never lacking in affection or attention from you; and that is the most important thing. Everything else pales in the grand scheme of things. I admire you and I think you are doing a wonderful job!
Here is a quote from the introduction of TORN. It sounds vaguely familiar from when I had a breakdown a couple months ago. HA! Maybe that's why this book grabbed my attention from the very beginning:
"After a horrific two-hour commute home along a backed up freeway, I found myself screaming at my husband to make his own dinner while throwing a box of cereal on the table in front of our two-year-old-son. They looked at me, bewildered. My inner good girl, who thought she could do it all, had snapped."
As for this book; I would recommend this to every mother, young or old. You will see yourself in it.
Moms, do the best you can and be proud of that effort. We can't do it all; that's just plain fact, but we are still ROCK STARS! Just look at the kiddies for proof!
:) Love you and your posts. Who ever came up with the Super Mom concept is clearly deranged and mental unstable, which is the only justifiable reason they should not be dragged into Times Square and shot. We do what we can when we can and love on our babies and our husbands, and maybe, just maybe, sometimes even our friends and ourselves.
ReplyDeletewhat is a "super mom" anyway?? It definitely has a personal connotation. In my opinion, a "super mom" is someone who is able to give their children, their spouse and yes themselves some quality time. Laundry, groceries, house cleaning...they are secondary in the big picture. The memories and relationships that you have with your children and your spouse will last a life time. Your laundry, house cleaning etc will ALWAYS be there and should not be judged as a neglectful item. There IS only so much that can be done in 24 hours. If it is between laundry and taking time with your loved ones, I hope you will pick your love ones!
ReplyDeleteI have had many "breakdowns" during the years that we were "raising" our 2 sons.They are normal and you should not feel guilty about them. That is easier said than done but it is true..we are only human you know...