The hardest thing I have found about being a mother are the decisions you have to make, and the guilt that goes along with those decisions. Specifically, when your child is injured, are they really hurt? Or will a little TLC cure them?
Tonight, after Dylan and I got home he whacked his head pretty hard on the kitchen floor. The first rule is always, DON'T PANIC. Which I didn't. I picked him up and held him while he screamed his head off and then checked for any visible injuries. Ultimately he had a bump over his eyebrow and on his forehead, right at the crown. He screamed for 10 minutes and then through his bath, and after his bath. He calmed down as soon as I gave him dinner.
So the questions start running through my head...is some of this screaming because he is hungry? Tired? Because he is rubbing his eyes every 2 seconds. I am looking for any sign (besides the screaming) that he is off.
Luckily, one of my best friends is a pediatrician and she puts up with my phone calls when it is easier to call her than the after hours line at the pediatrician. (NOTE: check her out at Alden Family Adventures in my blog list).
He was pretty fussy right up to bedtime, but he went to sleep about 2 minutes after I put him down. And then I came downstairs and the guilt started. You see, I let Bandit in the house and he knocked Dylan over. I thought Dylan was settled far enough away from the back door. He was playing with his refrigerator magnets and Bandit normally runs right to his food bowl, but not tonight. He clipped Dylan on the side and over he went.
This was completely my fault. I could make excuses...Scott was out of town, and I was just trying to get the dogs taken care of at the same time as watching Dylan. But really, plain and simple, this shouldn't have happened on my watch. And I felt awful.
So while I am taking this to heart; I know accidents happen and all you can do is live and learn. Thank goodness for Meg, who is a great support system and gave me the assurances I needed right then.
So, yes, the hardest thing about being a mother, for me, are instances like this. How do you know you are doing the right thing? This is not the first time Dylan has banged his head, and it certainly won't be the last. While he is perfectly fine, I am pretty sure I will be up and down checking him periodically throughout the night.
That is also part of being a mom. :-)
Aww, Brooke :( I can not tell you how many times my kids have each hit their heads. It is scarier when they are little but girl, it happens! When Nikolas was only 1 year old, he had his red rider wagon in his room holding all his stuffed animals and bop he pulled the wagon handle down and it hit him right in the eye. He had a black eye, at the age of one! I was so upset and felt awful and was scared to bring him in public! A complete accident but still, my fault. Anyway, things are going to happen no matter who's watch it is!!! It prepares them for the real world, it is ok, he is going to survive this and countless other bumps and bruises! ~Nicole~
ReplyDeleteIf he takes after our brothers he will be full of bruises and broken bones before it is all said and done!!
ReplyDeleteYou are a GREAT Mother full of LOVE!!
Scotty B.
oh yes girl, you are "spot on" with your feelings. This is called being a mother! and it never ends. As a mother you take blame for everything and feel for them always..even when they are grown adults. This "job" is a life time committment but the benefits surely outweigh any short term feelings of guilt or empathy. As I see it, the situation was NOT your fault at all but just an everyday circumstance but that does not make those motherly feelings go away. They will always be there..and that is a good thing..they are there because you are the bestest mom...happy mother's day girl and enjoy that little one!
ReplyDeleteDidn't Jon break his arm at five while we all watched him swing on pool deck
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